The mind can be a tricky thing to comprehend and navigate.
Thoughts.. Emotions… how does one know what to listen to?
Or where to listen?
In the realm of emotional triggering, it can be difficult to comprehend what is actually happening and why we are experiencing the emotions we are experiencing.
The focus of this article will be more on the structure of the ego itself and the secret to disengaging one’s inner defense mechanisms for the purpose of self-knowledge and liberation.
Defensiveness and Denial
What sparked me writing this article was an observation I made about a friendship dynamic in my own life.
I saw clearly that one person was speaking in a defensive manner about something that was not very serious at all.
They seemed to be afraid internally.
This fear was driving them to feel that there was a bigger “problem” than there ever was initially.
This lead to making the initial "problem" much bigger than it had ever been.
Snowball effect.
It had me thinking about the nature of defensiveness, and what it really means.
Quickly I realized that there are many different angles one can inquire about what defensiveness is and why it exists in the first place.
On one hand defensiveness over that which is sacred is rational and logical.
If something is weak and could break easily.. it makes sense to take measures to ensure that it doesn’t break (if one cares about whatever it is).
On the other hand, overly defensive attitudes are often a sign of insecurity.
Or a sign that something is "misaligned".
Often people can be defensive over things that they are doing that are disruptive towards others.
For example, if someone is caught lying, they can feel very defensive over why they were lying in the first place (knowing that it wasn't the best path to take).
Throughout all of this... one of the key themes is "protection".
People trying to protect themselves from something.
Sometimes this seems to be rational.
Sometimes it is driven by fear.. illusions of a "threat" which provokes a defensive attitude when it was not necessary.
My question is - what if there was nothing to really protect?
What is it that people tend to become so defensive about?
Why not be open about it?
Often times people feel a deep "inner wound" or pain spot within themselves.
They fear this and fear that others could harm them for it.
Or that they could be taken advantaged of.
Or that people would never truly "get them" and therefore they lie about what is happening within themselves.
What if the best way to handle this, is to see that the "thing" within was never a problem to begin with?
Let’s see what it is and see if it really deserves all this fear around it.
People are afraid to be vulnerable, and transparent.
They fear being attacked...
So they stuff down what they are most ashamed of.
They stuff down the guilt they feel over some act they may have done or may not have done.
All this defensiveness does however is create a self-fulfilling loop of fear and judgement.
If one were to be open about whatever it is they are attempting to hide within themselves (and “defend”), perhaps they would find the strength to accept themselves and therefore feel strong in their demeanor.
How often do people as a whole hide things from eachother because they are simply afraid of how the other person will respond or react?
How much of this hiding of experience, information, and emotion is done in vain, only to erupt later (usually in an abrupt fashion?).
What are people really afraid of?
What if there is a better way....
What if there is nothing to be afraid of?
Becoming Honest
In order to be strong one must be in integrity…
Anything else is a charade.
A facede.
Fake strength, when challenged, will crumble into what it really is - a cover for deep insecurity.
Fake bravado.
Fake confidence.
Therefore it is only possible to become strong through authenticity.
Through a code of honor and integrity.
Internal hiding is able to be smelled out quite easily by people who have their energetic senses and common sense in tact.
In today’s world, it can be said that it is quite normal for people to walk around with various layers and levels of fake personas.
People are hiding... and sometimes it began for "good" reasons.
Early childhood experiences motivating one to lie, cheat, and steal.
The fake personas are artificially created to compensate for the lack that one feels inherently within themselves.
To cover for the fear that one feels inherently.
This is a normal process - though the way to become stronger spiritually and psychologically.. is to cease the inner turmoils that take place.
To face it.
The inner fears must be seen, illuminated, and extinguished in order to become free.
This is done by being observant and unbiased in one’s communication and representation of self.
Through acceptance.
It comes being open within one's own self.
By getting to know one's self.
By expressing one's self.
This doesn’t mean that one has to flaunt who they are on the inner most levels to everyone.
It does mean that when one communicates they do so from an authentic place.
It means that the internal world is seen for what it is.
It means that maturity is allowed to prosper through the calm acceptance of who one is.
This is a process of illumination.
Navigating Inner Spaces
We are the masters of our internal universe.
We can choose to see.. or to not see (shy away).
It takes practice and patience to comprehend what is going on inside.
It takes self-reflection and awareness.
Mastery is the practice of becoming self-aware.
Aware of how one operates internally.
When one is being defensive.. it showcases many opportunities to grow.
It signals for places to pay attention to.
It means we have an opportunity to grow and expand our consciousness.
Often times defensive attitudes indicate a degree of denial within ourselves.
Denial of something.
There are many reasons someone may react defensively over something they are doing.
There are many reasons one may "deny" what they are doing.
Here is a short list of some common reasons I have seen people become defensive:
Common reasons that people act defensively:
1. They are acting in a way that goes against expectations that either they themselves have set or are established by the group around them (rational or irrational rules)
2. They are rejecting something within themselves (a desire or idea for example)
3. They are holding embarrassment about something that they are doing or have done
4. There is immaturity and stubbornness when it comes to changing a behavioral pattern, and therefore it is defended instead of taken accountability for
5. As a child they were rejected for acting in certain ways, and are deeply afraid to exist in more of an open way. This is because they were conditioned to not speak their truth and were punished for doing so.
6. The person is attempting to hide and they are defensive about the part of them that is hiding (for any and all reasons - whether it makes sense or not).
Solutionary Mentality
The solution to defensiveness is becoming real.
Being unafraid to speak one's mind and stand by it.
To hold ground for one's own self.
By being able to think clearly.. one is capable of standing strong in their view of life and reality.
Even if the way one is thinking has deeper roots... expressing any level of authentic experience is a step in the right direction.
Open-mindedness allows one to go deeper and deeper as well.
It is through independent thinking that one can accept themselves while listening to the viewpoints of others.
This openness allows one to entertain other ideas, and yet still know within why they are the way they are so to speak.
This practice also opens one’s energy field up to attracting and aiding in forming long lasting, stable friendships and community bonds.
Honesty and independence of thought is like a flame.
It illuminates and keeps one warm like a campfire in the middle of a cold night.
It is rejuvenating as well as entertaining.
This light within all of us allows us to set the record straight and cease the treacherous behavior that is happening within us.
It's deep wisdom is supreme.
Loyalty to this light clears up all inner-behaviors that manifest as defensive strategies towards "outside" people.
It establishes a new order within us that is inherently built off of the virtues that create strong character.
This new order then becomes represented in the way we arrive at all social situations, including all points of conversation.
Those things that previously tormented us become sources of inspiration and wisdom.
Our self-acceptance breeds strength in character.
Defensiveness is a sign of weakness and untrustworthiness.
It is a sign that one has abandoned themselves and are open to attacks from others.
In order to “heal” this and create strength.. one must work to eliminate all of their inner deceptions.
This involves letting go ov unnecessary and unreasonable expectations..
As well as getting to know oneself on a deep and fundamental level.
It involves the learning to tune into the different aspects of self without judgement.. but with an open ear and open heart.
To incorporate.
This is what creates safety… by acting safe to all aspects of who we are.
Stay tuned for more
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